Hawk

Hawk, originally uploaded by emu82.

(Photo courtesy of Best Friends Animal Society)

Here he is. This is Hawk. Lynn Dolan, the adoption coordinator at Best Friends was kind enough to send me a photo of him.

I've been talking with Lynn for almost a week now about Hawk and where he came from, and after a lot of conversation and some tears (sorry Mike!), I filled out the application and Hawk should be flying to us mid-March.

This was a really difficult decision and at the same time was an absolute no brainer. There is something I see in Hawk every time I look at him that captivates me- his face is kind, but it's hidden behind the trauma of his past. Maybe he'll come around, maybe not, but I see something in Hawk that tells me that I have to give this cat a chance.

Here's my email to Lynn after Jer and I sat down and hashed out the pros and cons:

Hi Lynn.

I did speak with Mike yesterday and he gave me a lot of information on Hawk and ‘where he’s at’. I was a little confused yesterday from the conversation with you and then the conversation with Mike as I initially thought that you felt that Hawk wouldn’t be a good fit or be ready to come live with us, but then Mike was saying that it was ultimately my decision.

That raises the question of what you and Mike’s wishes are? You two know Hawk better than I do obviously and I want to follow what you think is best for him. In talking with Jeremy last night I said that I was in a tough position because I felt like I was either being selfish or being a quitter. I feel like Hawk is doing okay where he is now and it would be selfish for me to want to take him out of that environment, but at the same time, if I walked away or went with another cat, I would feel like a quitter. I want to do what’s best for Hawk because he deserves it.

You had asked me on the phone yesterday what my intentions were with a cat as damaged as him. I’m fully aware that we may adopt him and he may end up being a shadow in our home for the rest of his days. However, like you and Mike said, he may just come to us and hide for weeks and then become curious and come out to see what we’re all about. It’s a crap shoot because you just can never tell. I’m fine with having a cat that isn’t in your face or always present. Before our cat Carl died, we had just gotten Bandit and since she was a kitten she was always in the foreground, always in your face, and always around. Since Carl was older, she was able to stay in the background and relax and sleep. I liken that situation to what I may be like with Hawk- nothing is going to change Bandit because she’s just a young, energetic kitten who thinks she’s a dog and likes to play fetch with my son. But even though she would always be seen, it’s still just having that extra presence in the home that is comforting to me.

Jeremy asked me last night what I would feel if Hawk never came around to us. My thinking is if that happened, then at least we gave him to best chance at being comfortable and learning trust. And if he ever did come around to us, then that would be wonderful. I’m not looking to adopt Hawk because I feel like I can save him or turn him into an outgoing and social lap cat- that’s unrealistic at this point because his heart is so hurt. I am looking to adopt Hawk because even though his home with you is good and comfortable, I want to give him a chance on a home life with a loving family.

After Jeremy and I talked last night I didn’t feel anymore dissuaded from wanting to bring Hawk into our home. If we adopted Hawk and the only thing he ever let us do is put our hearts around him and grew to learn that we’re there to protect him, then that alone is worth the world. There is a draw to Hawk that I have yet to put my finger on- there is something about him that I feel a connection to. I can’t explain it, it’s just something I feel.

I guess where we’re at is, if Mike thinks that Hawk could handle living in a home, and if you think Hawk is ready to take this journey, then we are willing to take him in with open arms.

And as if that wasn't hard enough for me to write without crying, here is Lynn's response:

Hi Eve,

So after reading your email and crying and having others read it as well and watch them tear up, we are honored to adopt the magnificent Hawk to you and your home.

Please fill out the application and email it back and we will take it step by step from there. I will order an adoption exam for hawk and request a home visit and work on finding him a way to his forever home.

I am going to copy you email as it was full of such compassion and love that if every adopter could care like you do this world would be a better place.

Thank you for your interest in adopting and especially thank you from Hawk.

Lynn

I got that at work and shut my door and cried my eyes out. Then I emailed everyone and told them that we got Hawk:)

This will be a ride and I know that Best Friends and Lynn will be there for me every step of the way. And I thank them dearly for that AND the opportunity to give Hawk the chance that no one ever thought he deserved.

We won't let you down, kiddo. Cross my heart.